Why Talk Therapy Isn’t Always Enough: Working with Implicit Memories in Therapy
When people first come to therapy, many expect it to feel like an extended conversation. They picture talking about their week, describing stressors, and unpacking stories from the past. Talking is important — it helps us put words to our experiences and create a sense of meaning. But sometimes, talking alone doesn’t get us where we want to go.
That’s because not all of our experiences live in words. Some of our deepest wounds are stored in what therapists call implicit memory — memories held in the body and nervous system rather than in clear, verbal stories.
What Are Implicit Memories?
Implicit memories are the experiences your body holds onto without you needing to think about them. They’re what allow you to ride a bike, type on a keyboard, or cook a familiar recipe without ever opening a manual. Your body “just knows.”
But implicit memory doesn’t only apply to useful skills — it also includes the emotional imprints left behind by past relationships and environments.
For example:
You might notice that every time your spouse walks in the door, you feel a sudden need to look busy or tidy the apartment — even though your spouse has never made you feel that way. This impulse may not come from the present moment, but from an implicit memory of a demanding parent who never let you rest and always expected perfection.
You might find it nearly impossible to cry or lean on others for support, because as a child you were shamed or dismissed whenever you expressed sadness. Over time, you learned to push down your feelings to stay safe, but now those protective strategies make it harder to be vulnerable and open in your adult relationships.
Or maybe you shut down during conflict, not because today’s disagreement is unsafe, but because your nervous system remembers the overwhelm of childhood arguments.
These patterns can feel confusing! Have you ever thought to yourself, “Why am I reacting this way when I know better?” The answer is that your body is remembering, long before your thinking brain has time to catch up.
Why Talking Isn’t Enough
Traditional talk therapy mainly engages the thinking brain — helping you analyze, problem-solve, and make sense of your patterns. That insight can be powerful, but if the pain is rooted in implicit memory, insight alone doesn’t change the imprint.
Think of it like knowing exactly why you’re afraid of flying. You could explain it perfectly, but your body would still tense the moment you board a plane. Understanding the fear doesn’t erase the reaction.
What It’s Like to Work With Me
This is where my approach comes in. In my practice, I draw from AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy), which helps us access not only your thoughts but also the feelings and body-based experiences connected to your history.
In session, I might slow things down when I notice a shift in your tone or expression. I may gently ask what you’re noticing in your body or what emotions are present just beneath the surface. If tears come up, we don’t rush past them. If shame arises, we approach it with compassion and curiosity instead of judgment.
Together, we create a space where it’s safe to touch the feelings that may have once been too overwhelming, or that you were never allowed to express. Instead of pushing them down, we stay with them, and you don’t have to do it alone.
Clients often describe this process as both challenging and deeply relieving because for the first time, they’re not only talking about old wounds, but actually experiencing a new kind of support, care, and connection right in the moment.
Why This Matters for High-Achievers
Many of my clients are high-functioning professionals who are skilled at analyzing problems and powering through stress. But when it comes to anxiety, burnout, or perfectionism, pushing harder doesn’t always work because the struggle isn’t just in the mind, it’s in the body too.
By working with implicit memories, therapy helps you not just “understand yourself better” but actually feel freer, more connected, and more at ease in your daily life and relationships.
Moving Beyond Insight
Insight is a powerful starting point, but true transformation happens when both the mind and body are engaged. By working with implicit memories, therapy becomes more than talking, it becomes a space where old imprints can be softened and rewritten into new experiences of safety, care, and self-trust.
Together, we can work gently with those memories, creating new pathways that allow you to feel grounded, connected, and more fully yourself. If this resonates with you, I encourage you to schedule a complimentary consultation today.
